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Monologue

I do not think we should come out.

Why?

Well, it's complicated ... let's leave that we are not exactly compatible.

With compatible I mean that we have different habits and expectations.

No no! What do you think? This has nothing to do with today.

Yeah ... sure, are other things.

Seriously, nothing to see.

It's nothing major, just forget it.

Ok, ok ok! Yes want to tell you but you'll like it ok? Well for starters I do not recognize the difference between "I invite you to dinner" and "Cael for dinner."

how there is no difference?

are you serious?

There is a huge difference!

Yes! Of course I have to see that you invited me to dinner and then I drive to the place, as if this were not enough you had to go back because you got drunk.

Yes, I understand that one should not drive drunk.

Yes, the designated driver but that is usually when people come together in a car.

No, we did not get together I got in mine at the appointed time, 30 minutes before you arrived.

Yes, the first time you invited me I said that I wore out my car, but it was because I knew and was afraid to go out with a madman.

Now I know you're not crazy

how?

do not know because I have you on Facebook and have more than 5 friends in common.

is not guaranteed?

what did you do?

Okay, this has nothing to do with not pass by me, forget it. It is for dinner.

Because it is well eat half my plate!

You do not want to give me ONE of your French fries ... ONE!

never said I was on a diet!

Thanks for the comments, but do not need to diet.

You know what? It's not even for dinner, what bothers me is that I paid my part.

Yeah, I took my wallet and my card but women do that. Not only fake orgasms, too pretend that we intended to pay the bill.

course work because I want to be independent, of course I have money but you invited me to dinner and then made me pay half of the total.

Yes we were two, but I ate a salad and you're swallowed a starter, a steak and a bottle of wine.

I told you ask for a drink, not a bottle.

What I mean is that I got to the dam.

Okay, tomorrow I'll take you to your car to the restaurant ... but it's the last time

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A word is a word Mama

Sigmund Freud, the father of psychoanalysis, was in every man's actions an ulterior motive in the subconscious. Women envied phallus and therefore hated his mother who was to blame for failing to provide the object of desire, 'bidding son's mother and so the rivalry with the father figure. According to Freud, everything that happened in our childhood was in the subconscious, and there were born all our problems. Austrian studies came to classify the anxiety at three levels; neurotic, moral and real. In real being afraid of actual events, for example, one may be afraid of being bitten by a dog, this type of anxiety is reduced to avoid the threat identified. But what happens when the threat haunts us? When we visit every day either through our friends, email, media Should we avoid it or give your face?

last month could not avoid a crisis "bread epidemic," the supermarket shelves were empty because ico pancreas caused by the new virus and fulminant fulminant "? Really we will give you a withering adjective virus that killed only 139 people according to the WHO? Fulminant quasi was the 1957 Asian flu that killed 2,000,000 people, even more deadly was the 1918 English Flu that killed more people than World War I. So little respect we give to the language? So freely use the words?

"It's a bread epidemic," "You ran out of food", "We will be quarantined," "will be the end of the world ... okay, that last was harvest of my imagination. But during the month of May there were moments in which I was part of a Romero film, the father of zombie cinema. So much drama in one word: pandemic, after all, what is a pandemic? What is its origin? Pandemic

comes from the Greek word pandemonic nosema , this translates to disease So why the drama? We owe the god of shepherds and flocks, Pan This being who had male torso, legs and horns of a goat, lived in the mountains of Arcadia, a region of Greece. His strange physical composition helped him chase her lovers, nymphs. Pan was not visible to humans, their presence caused fear in those who were closest to him, hence the origin of the word pancreas ico.

Panic is what causes the word epidemic bread for those who do not understand that that word is used only to refer to a disease present in different regions or countries. Hindsight and the crisis of influenza seems a bit absurd, expendable. Even Freud would support me in this with his famous phrase "Sometimes a cigar is a cigar"

Male Medical Examinations

Last night I picked up the results of some tests done to my mother. In theory it would but how he lost his car keys, her tone spoke to me and asked me to fast for them was me which was extremely important. I told him to look in the freezer Do you think I'm crazy? No, I do not think that is crazy, is that last week left some popsicles in the top of the keys and keys in the freezer. But there was no purpose in discussing, I grabbed my key ring smelling strawberries and cream and went to the doctor.

Upon arrival, the stunning nurse asked me to wait a moment, the preferred doctor give me the results in person. At that time I received a call from my mother wondering what what the hell had happened to her telenovela What with the soap opera, Ma? Ana wanted to know why he was not with John, because John had a son three years. With the patience of the world told him he was wrong channel that was not the soap opera and why had not understood anything, she proceeded to "change" the channel. Five minutes later she received another call asking if I was where the heat was also impressive, told me that the house temperature had soared out of nowhere. I told him that probably menopausal ailment was, I yelled up to what I was going to die and ended with: Why Ana remains Juan? "Mom are you sure that you switched to the TV? What control do you use? Ok, this is not the control of the TV, is the air conditioning control. Lower the temperature to 21 degrees Already? Well now grips the black control ready? The channel you want is 102 Already? Yes mother, Anne and John are still together, no, mom, Gabriel does not appear in this telenovela Why? Because this soap is the other channel. No mom, you see this telenovela. Because this is where Anne and John leave. I'm not kidding Why would Ana and Juan sabotage? No, Mom, did not cool Guadalajara from nowhere, the air conditioning ... I'm leaving, the doctor is expecting me. "

already in the office the doctor made me go, I offered a glass of water and I began to explain that my wife and mom is a great, at that age it is common that the brain begins to deteriorate, especially if they are people with disorders such as in the case of obsessive compulsive disease feature of my family. Then gently informed me that my mother has Alzheimer's. In it I received a call from my mother "Yes, Mom, your keys are yellow keychain Where? Mom, please check that you gave to eat fish. " *

* Note to readers: No, my mom does not have Alzheimer's, but has left the keys in the cooling, the paddles at the top of the keys to my dog \u200b\u200bin the trunk do and instead of changing the TV to control the air conditioning has done with the phone ... yes, I promise to take her to the doctor soon forget I'm waiting for my curfew.

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Yes

How many times have imagined last words they will say when you die? This is a common practice in my dark moments of leisure "blame someone for all my troubles? Will I survive that I spend the rest of his life looking for a non-existent fortune? Creare "a phrase which triggers major philosophical debates or just say something inconsistent? Yes, maybe my hobby is not shared or common, but I'm sure that once brought to its attention Maquiladora start something.

One of my favorite lines is said in his deathbed actor Laurence Oliver as a nurse clueless about it poured a glass of water accidentally. Laurence, always trenchant, shouted "This Hamlet does not know? No need to go to fucking ear "referring to the murder of Hamlet's father. It is no coincidence that in 1948 the actor starred in the film based on Shakespeare's play about the paranoid Danish king.

An American criminal before his execution in 1960 was the classic question by the officer in charge of the squad put an end: one last request? "Yes, a bulletproof vest" That irritating formalities the gringo army. French philosopher Voltaire, famous for its satire and irreverence, was visited by a priest who asked refused to Satan before his death, the answer he received was "not a good time to make new enemies."

I asked what the last words of a Don Zutano, an ordinary man, without mastery of sarcasm. For example, Camilo Ceja an engineer of 55 years died after falling off a sidewalk before going to work. What will have been his last sentence? I guess a "I should have taken the day" or "I should have been a writer, would not leave my house ... in the worst case scenario could apply a Pancho Villa " Say that I said something. "